Jan 31, 2016 I'm desperate for advice on my situation, which is long but I hope some of you guys might be willing to read and give thoughts: I'm a junior in college and I've now been friends with this one girl for a bit longer than a year and a half. When we met at the beginning of sophomore year, our personalities seemed to click immediately. Buuut she had a long-distance boyfriend that she had been dating since the end of her senior year of high school. I, and practically all of our mutual friends, thought it was incredible how dedicated she was to the relationship given that the majority of it had been long distance. But dedicated she remained, and we became really good friends. I can even say that, even though I liked her at first, after a month or two of being friends I had basically given up anything romantic and was pursuing my own relationships. We were essentially best friends for most of sophomore year (as in, I'm confident we spent more time with each other than any other friends) and when we both stayed in the same town to work over the summer we stayed close. Then, at the end of the summer, she finally broke up with her boyfriend. I didn't know how to feel. I cared a lot about the friendship, and I didn't want to seem like I was just waiting for her to break up so that I could swoop in. But then something interesting happened. We sort of drifted in the first semester of this year. We remained friends, and there was no big conflict or anything, but basically she just began wanting to do more things that I'm not really into--by that I mean "going out," etc. It felt like she barely had enough free time to hang out with me anymore, which kind of hurt but I tried not to take it personally. She began hooking up with other guys because she was going out and I continued to be lonely because I don't really seek out "hook ups." I don't mean this to be disparaging of her actions--she's free to have sex with whomever she wants, but the fact that it came at the expense of our friendship was disheartening. Now, I've gone abroad to Scotland for the semester and I can't stop thinking about her. Like all the time. We've been keeping up by text and she's told me that she's sorry for not hanging out more last semester and that she misses me more now that I'm actually physically unavailable to chill I guess. We're only going to have one more year together for sure once I get back, and I kind of want to ask her if she would be interested in dating. She's always expressed interest in guys LIKE me, but I think my chances of initiating anything romantic naturally got ruined by becoming friends with her while she was unavailable (ie the "friend zone"). In fact, we also once actually discussed hooking up while she was dating, but we decided against it so that the friendship wouldn't suffer. She did end up staying the night in my bed that night, though. I know we're both romantics at heart based on the countless times we've discussed our feelings on relationships. If you've read the whole thing I must sincerely thank you and ask not only what you think I should do, but if the answer is to make some sort of advance towards a relationship, HOW I should approach it.
Jan 31, 2016 Once I actually read it I felt bad so I deleted the bill cosby gif I think you should drop subtle hints to her to see what reaction you get Proceed from there
Jan 31, 2016 lol thanks dude no biggie. So I guess this is where I get lost. I've only been in two major relationships before this one and they happened so naturally that I felt like I didn't need to "drop hints." How does one subtly drop hints that you want to date? And how do I know if she's getting the hints/if she is, what she feels like about them?
Jan 31, 2016 I only drop hints If I've been friends with the girl for a while, I'm more direct if there isn't an important friendship backing everything up It all depends on the circumstances. It can go from something as simple as telling them they look cute to making an effort to spend more time with them. But the overall point is showing flirtatious intent Whenever I consciously do this, I make sure to pay attention to what they do. If they seem happy or even flirt back, I continue to build everything up before completely making a move From now until you get back from Scotland, make an effort as much as you can to show her you care. Then start what I was just talking about The Friend Zone sucks man, I remember this girl who once put me in it called me "Bud" I immediately dropped contact with her
Jan 31, 2016 1st Girls dont put u in the friendzone, u do it urself by not being physical/sexual 2nd When people end relationships they usually "have fun" and f--- other people. She didnt f--- u tho, because in ur virgin-mindset u thought it would conflict ur "friendship" 3rd Now ure all alone in Scotland, while she is home and gets pounded by the guys who dont give a f--- about her ex and about her situation 4th You seem to be the guy who desperately wants a relationship 5th That is so unattractive. 6th You cant have every chick. When she doesnt want to be ur girl, its fine. It only f---s ur mind, when u have no alternatives. Lay other chicks. Get distracted and have alternatives, that is so f---ing important 7th IM UR OG AND I WILL BE RESPECTED AS SUCH
Jan 31, 2016 u gotta make ur move early bro u cant just be friends w them for 1.5 years, theyll think of u as a friend that way. make ur move during the first 1-2 months or just accept the fact that ur friends imo
Jan 31, 2016 1st I never said she "put" me in the friend zone. I got there because she was in a serious relationship when we met and became friends. And I'll admit I wasn't "physical/sexual" after they finally broke up because I didn't think she would look on me swooping in right after she breaks up in a good light. it would make me look fake and like I'm taking advantage. 2nd We had both decided not to f--- despite our mutual attraction while she was still dating because we knew that she would feel guilty (again, because she was in a serious relationship). "Virgin mindset" whatever man. A good friend of mine died at the end of the summer and I fell into a pretty bad depression. That combined with the fact that she started "having fun" as you put it, which isn't really my thing, caused us to stop hanging out as frequently last semester. We didn't really have a chance to re-explore the idea of hooking up or dating that semester. 3rd Once again I honestly don't care how hard or by whom she is getting "pounded." It doesn't make me jealous because I know she has a habit of hooking up with guys that she doesn't really like with no intentions of going any further than sex. Her ex-boyfriend was nothing like the guys she hooks up with, because there's a difference in what she seeks in a hook-up partner and a romantic partner. As long as she isn't getting pounded by a guy that she has feelings for, then I don't give a f---. 4th Sure, I want a relationship. I wouldn't say "desperately." And I know she wants one too. We literally just talked about it the other day. I tried to "drop hints" like @Michael Scott advised. 5th What is so unattractive? 6th I don't want every chick, dude. And like I said, I have pursued other relationships since we've been friends. It's really only been since she broke up with her boyfriend (when I also became depressed and didn't really hang out with anyone for 5 months) that I've even considered the entire prospect of being with her again. And since I've been in Scotland and thinking about her a lot, that has made it feel like I should do something about it. 7th
Jan 31, 2016 Did you even read my post, man? I'm not complaining because I was rejected and "put there" or anything. I used the term "friend zone" for convenience sake. It's just a fact of the relationship as it stands. We are friends, but I want it to be more. What else should I call it?
Jan 31, 2016 You didn't come in this thread to give advice because you have none to give Go outside and talk to girls
Jan 31, 2016 Thats all no front bro, but you really dont get it. This whole man-woman thing doenst work the way you want it to work. You think so logical, you try to analyze the s--- out of ur communication. But I PROMISE YOU, thats useless. When u meet her again, take the lead, say what you wanna say and live with the consequences. Grow some balls and be a man
Jan 31, 2016 If you have to rely on buzzword to explain something you should probably improve your vocabulary. You should know what connotations "friend zone" comes with.
Jan 31, 2016 f--- off then seriously. I don't know what I expected but at least would hope people read what the f--- I have to say. You're a d-ck.
Jan 31, 2016 Again, what do you want me to say? Should I put in the title, "How do I move from being friends to being in a relationship with a girl?" "How to upgrade from friend to girlfriend?" Everything else sounds awkward. P.S. As an English major at a top 20 university, I'd be willing to bet that my vocabulary is more expansive than yours.
