Dec 1, 2014

I have a couple but here's one. I want to make a short film out of it one day.

My mom had just bought me the new pair of Nike Air Trainer Huarache so i was hyped a f--- to rock them to school the next day and see if i can get a girl to s--- my d-ck in the back stair cases of my school where it smelled like dirty p---- and piss. But anyway back to my story, Monday had arrived and im up early as f--- for the first time ever so i decide to eat breakfast which i never do before i go to school. I look at the cereals i have and i decide to choose Oreo O's b smfh which is basically the formula for diarrhea in a box sold for $3.99.

After i ate the cereal my friends came to my door and we walked to the bus stop. Throughout the walk i was fine talking about last night WWF main event reenacting Mankind and Mr. socko. During the bus ride to school my stomach was doing tony hawk 900's and Rob Drydek kick flips i already knew that s--- was about to go down, no pun intended. Finally we get to the stop of my School and i lied to my friends and said i left my project at the crib so i was gonna take the bus back, mid way me lying to them im laying machine gun farts b. My farts were sounding like the beginning of Ether minus the "f--- Jay-Z". This is where i f----- up, im the type of dude who stands by the "I will never s--- in a public restroom" rule i could just walked a few blocks down to a McDonalds and laid a s--- storm for the next n----- to walk in and smell but my dum a--- was like na i could hold this s---(no pun intended) and take the next bus back home. My school is on beach 100st and i needed to get off at beach 12th b, thats like 30 to 45 min bus ride. I'm on the bus back home and im dropping Hit-Boy farts my s----s are vibrating my seat like an 808 drum b. Next thing i know an old lady decides to sit next to me and im still dropping bombs b. My farts have slowly progressed through out the ride from solid farts to a liquid form b, I felt the s--- on my old navy boxers and the lady next to me had to smell it. She got up and immediately evacuated from my location and it seemed like everyone was just giving that who the f--- farted face. Finally we hit my stop and im still farting liquid into my boxers b i took one step out the bus and that s---(no pun intended) started going down my leg in my socks b. Im running home on some limp s--- like a zombie from the walking dead trying to keep the s--- in my a--- and limit the dripping but it didnt work b by the time i hit my crib my light colored levi denim jeans had dark brown stains showing on the outside and my brand new sneakers were no longer white they were f---ing muddy brown and green. I never got to wear them to school and i told my friends the sneakers were tight on me so i gave them to my cousin when they asked why i dont wear them no more.

til this day i dont eat breakfast and leave my house without forcing a s---.

 

Dec 1, 2014

DId you post this on SL? I swear I've read this before.

 

Dec 1, 2014

im on ktt, i've posted there.

 

Dec 1, 2014

Yeah that was it.

In 7th grade we were doing a math project and cutting s--- out. Me and some guy were being r-----ed and hitting the scissors together like two chicks banging. I pull my hand back and my middle finger is gushing blood. Teacher had left the room to do something so someone ran out and got another teacher. She gave me a dirty look and walked me to the nurse. Still have a scar from it.

 

Dec 1, 2014

nah

 

Dec 1, 2014

Was at my aunt's and she had a hot friend. Was texting my friend about it and he told me to take a picture of her. I forgot to turn the flash off...

 

Dec 2, 2014

f---ing in a dressing room.. fell out into the aisle .. butt a--- naked.

Suffice to say we were never allowed back.

 

Dec 2, 2014

Lmao I remember this story from KTT

 

Dec 2, 2014

is it true u retired after Cruz fell off?

 

Dec 2, 2014

Freshman year, it's me and my friend's birthday (about a week apart). I head to the party college an hour a way where most of my high school friends go. They get me a fifth of Fireball. I toast to me and my friend's birthday and we both agree to blackout. School sucks and I haven't seen these guys in forever so I proceed to down a fifth of cinnamon rum in 45 minutes before we leave for a party. I also have a couple Black Crown Budweisers. At the party, I pay for the keg and grab a cup.

This is where things get hazy. At one point my friends wanted me to rap and all I could muster were incoherent mumbles. I keep drinking keg beer until I literally collapse. One of my friends drives me home. I throw up outside the car. I get to their apartment on my own from the parking lot. Flash to me in the bathroom pissing.

When I woke up the next morning, I had puked in their roomate's bed (barely knew him then) and slept on the couch instead. There was s--- in my pants. I had the worst hangover of my life. Tossed my underwear into the garbage, showered, and got some DP Dough.

 

Dec 5, 2014

That time I got ethered by Big John every day for a year.

 

Dec 5, 2014

Back in like 2003 I was listening to music rapping along with my hands and s--- in the mirror on some 8 Mile Eminem in the bathroom s---. The song was D12- Rap Game. Little did I know my girlfriend was watching me through a crack in the door the whole time. I was in the middle of Bizarre's verse when all the sudden she burst through the door laughing hysterically at me. Smh. I still cringe when I think about that. "If rap don't work I'm startin a group with Garth Brooks..." *girl walks in laughing*

 

Dec 5, 2014

April Fools Day, Freshman Year - A few friends and I decide we were gonna fill all of the Soap dispensers in the school bathroom's with KY before school. Our friend with the KY ran late and the bell was ringing when we were filling the last bathroom, the fourth floor (Senior area) woman's room. We just finished and had some KY leftover. As we were ready to walk out, we heard some girls talking. We quickly scurried into a stall, locked it and hoped no one heard us. They were talking and taking selfies in the mirror when they saw eight feet, clearly men's shoes. They start whispering and then appear to leave. The four of us walk out of the stall, each holding KY when we see the flash from the camera. >>>four guys getting caught exiting a woman's room stall with KY Jelly in hand. Picture was later used as evidence for our suspensions for the prank by the dean. Spent rest of year known as the KY Guys.

 

Dec 5, 2014

Weren't you like 24 too? ROFL