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Where does my respect lie?

Started by Mimi, Nov 5, 2018, in Life Add to Reading List

  1. DetroitDGAF
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    DetroitDGAF Locked in Mariah’s Wine Cellar

    Nov 6, 2018
    *redbone plays as "Get Out" pops up on the screen*
     
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  2. Mimi
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    Mimi the art of doing nothing

    Nov 6, 2018
    Honestly that is where I feel it's going. There is some dude that has just come back into town who is very flirty and has just asked me out for drinks and I have agreed because I am the one top say yes to any interaction rather than being put into a position where I have to just put up with it.
    I have suggested him come out and meet these people but he says he is not interested in doing that. He is aware thought, that all these guys know I am in a relationship as one of the first questions I am aksed when they meet me is what brings me to their city and my answer is because of my boyfriends work.....

    But also.... One of the guys I hang out with is half Guyanese half french, my bf knows that I do have an attraction to darker skin dudes (bf is white) so tbh I would be and am slightly worried that if they ever meet that would cause a lot of insecurity and issues even though I see this other guy as only a friend, plus he is apparently seeing someone else anyway.

    Honestly though, thank you :emoji_heart: you may not feel ''qualified'' with our online acquaintance of each other, but it does help to be able to get these thoughts out and have some feed back, and people to talk to about it. So thank you
     
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  3. Fire Squad
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    Fire Squad Boss Don Biggavel

    Nov 6, 2018
    I'm just gonna be blunt and say it is very unhealthy to maintain a relationship inside of the workplace, especially in a bar/restaurant. Drifted around as a DJ for years and I've seen all types of problematic behavior since those places drag in all types of desperate people, I feel for you since it's certainly an uncomfortable position from both perspectives of you and your bf. Maintaining friendships on top of a relationship shouldn't be as hard as he is making out to be, we all need interaction from different beings, sounds more like trust issues coming from his side--don't wait for this to escalate either, talk to him!

    Ultimately you craft your own road and happiness, love is addicting and blinds us from any form of objectivity, if you feel the sun rises and sets with him then all the better.
     
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  4. DKC
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    DKC hank trill

    Nov 6, 2018
    Any time! Glad I could be of some help.

    Also, if he refuses to meet them then...that's on him. You're literally giving him an opportunity to be in that part of your life and show him that you're just looking for friends. Anyway, I hope with some more honest conversation he'll come around! Good luck!
     
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  5. M Solo
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    M Solo Fresh Outta London

    Nov 6, 2018


    This is pretty pathetic anyway you look at it. You're going out drinking with random dudes you barely know and you're wondering why your boyfriend doesn't like it?:what22::what22::lmaooo:

    I want to live in your reality. Also, you, along with the dudes in here white-knighting for you have villified and labeled your boyfriend insecure. What if he feels disrespected. I sure asf would because being in a relationship and going out drinking with people you barely know of the opposite sex is just that- disrespectful. Why do it? I mean look if you want to do that kind of s--- do it. But have some respect for yourself and your boyfriend and end your relationship first. Because these men absolutely aren't going out for drinks with you to be your friend. And based on your first paragraph and your reaction to his actions/inactions as your manager I've got a feeling you'd lose your s--- if he was doing what you were doing. Sorry if this is harsh but it's the truth.

    TLDR- @JMG hit the nail on the head.
     
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  6. Mimi
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    Mimi the art of doing nothing

    Nov 6, 2018
    No I completely agree with what you and JMG said. It is Also what my bf has said. And you are completely right and I wont try to act some innocent part in this, the way I am reacting to this is due to the lack of action I feel he is taking. But this is where my confusion/ pettiness comes from. Why is it okay, at work to have dudes come onto us females and our partners be fine with it, happily make conversation and act friendly with the pervs when they know and see how their gfs are treated?
    The business doesn't need their their money. So if it's okay for the unwanted attention why is it then not okay for me to have accept attention that isn't from creepy old dudes/ alcos.
     
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  7. JMG
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    JMG Teflon

    Nov 6, 2018
    You cant mix buisness with pleasure. Youre gonna get hit on in that line of work no matter where. The conflict of interest is your bf is the manager.. If he confronts all those guys coming at you then he has to do it to it for all girls and that is bad for business.. Hes in a tough spot. You really have to either find a new job or new boyfriend. Although staying there wouldnt work out if youre not with him. Your best bet is to find a new job because that would be the end result anyway. Then you will see where you and him stand.
     
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  8. Alchemist34
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    Alchemist34 DO MY HEAD

    Nov 6, 2018

    Because he knows nothing could happen between you and the drunken creeps at work because you’re obviously turned off by them. But with dudes you’re going out for drinks with, it’s all up in the air. Who knows what can happen. Thats why it makes him more uncomfortable. That’s probably the “justification”


    As for the whole going out with other people thing, I suppose it varies from people to people with how strict the boundaries are. Some people will care more than others
     
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  9. Michael Myers
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    Michael Myers Moderator

    Nov 6, 2018
    I don't think any guy would approach a girl just to 'talk' and be friends with. Especially in clubs etc. So if your bf sees you being nice to them he can feel threatened/insecure/disrespected however you want to call it.

    I can understand that he feels that way even if you're intentions aren't like that at all. He doesn't care about the drunk f---s because he know you will brush them off. Altough I do think he should defend you more.. he should then do that to ur co-workers as well. Otherwise you will be 'the boss gf that gets special treatment'. He can't really make a decision that doesn't somehow get him in trouble -in the position he's in I mean-.
     
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  10. Gimp
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    Gimp

    Nov 7, 2018
    You nigas lying if you honestly would be 100% ok with your girl going out and drinking with guy mates.at the end of the day they all want to hit it.
     
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  11. Michael Myers
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    Michael Myers Moderator

    Nov 7, 2018
    I dunno if the friendship already excisted before the relationship (or if the dude is in a relationship as well) I think you should be able to trust eachother.. but a 'new' guy isn't going to approach a girl just to be friends.. generally. Especially at social gatherings. Ur pretty naive if you think they are lol
     
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  12. Enigma
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    Enigma Civil liberties > Police safety

    Nov 7, 2018
    Do y’all really wanna sleep with every single woman you approach/talk to irl? That’s the consensus I’m getting here.
     
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  13. Gimp
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    Gimp

    Nov 7, 2018
    If they hittable, yes.
     
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  14. Michael Myers
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    Michael Myers Moderator

    Nov 7, 2018
    Duh.

    Kidding. But in general, when a guy approaches a girl at a bar or other social occassion, they do have certain motives. Ofc there are exceptions, but especially when a girl is pretty they get hit on more than once on a night of going out and that isn't just for 'drinks'.
     
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  15. Enigma
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    Enigma Civil liberties > Police safety

    Nov 7, 2018
    Yeah but like if you’re dating someone, shouldn’t you trust that person enough to not...you know...cheat on you lol. The need to micromanage your significant other is so toxic imo. If you feel the need to tell your SO who they can & cant hang out with because you’re afraid of what might happen, why are you even dating them?
     
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  16. Michael Myers
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    Michael Myers Moderator

    Nov 7, 2018
    Oh absolutely. My ex and I also both had friends of the opposite sex. Which was fine. In general that should not be a problem if u trust eachother. Being possesive and controlling always works against you/ur relationship.

    But the situation where mimi and her bf/boss are in is kinda tricky I guess. It's hard for the guy to both please her and his (other) coworkers in this situation. Agree or disagree, I can understand his position is kinda s-----y.
     
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  17. Lucy
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    Lucy #1

    Nov 7, 2018
    Not trying to be a rude c---- here, but i will be, if anyone thinks being a woman is some kind of scary thing because you are weak and vulnerable and its exclusive to your sex, then your brainwashed.

    I'm a straight white male and have to put myself into 100x more dangerous situations just commuting to work.

    Imagine how rich it sounds to me, when a woman is like "i have to pretend im on the phone when walking to my car in the city cus spooky"

    my reaction is immediately;

    "ok, c----, catch the inala express through the top 5 ghettos in your country on a daily basis, then talk to me about fear. atleast you got a car. ungrateful c----"
     
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  18. Mikey
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    Mikey

    Nov 7, 2018
    going out with male friends unless it is some sort of special occasion would annoy anyone not matter what they say.
     
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