Dec 17, 2017 To preface this review, most of you guys probably don’t know or remember me but I’m an old head who used to post on RB and some SL back in the day, and I have never really been active on this reincarnation but I came back for the always entertaining excitement and discussion that comes with every Eminem release. I saw people in denial like Egypt that Encore was a real album, the sheer horror and confusion from Relapse, the premature praise of Recovery before people actually started reading the lyrics, the polarizing MMLP2 release that made Trump-Hillary look like a meek rivalry, and now this. There was a time when Eminem was my favorite artist of all time, and at this point I’m far past hoping for a cohesive, classic album, all I hope to gain is a couple great tracks. It has been fun anticipating this release and watching the fallout with you guys. Here’s my review. Walk on Water - while a fitting opener to a 2017 Eminem album and poignant message seemingly aimed directly at this message board, it’s simply not very listenable. I’ve never had the urge to listen to this song really, and that’s obviously a problem. On paper this did seem like a good idea, and there’s nothing “wrong” about it, it’s just not a good song...I’d liken it to headlights that way. If you’re going to release a first single after 4 years with Beyonce on the chorus and a message you want to impart, how does it come out so boring? How do you select a beat with no drums? A quizzical artistic decision that’s par for the course on this record. 5/10 Believe - now this is more like it. This song is exactly what I want to hear from 2017, 45 year old Eminem. A menacing beat, top notch hook, experimental flows that actually work, and (for the most part) good lyrics with a consistent theme. I don’t know where he got this flow from, I know I’ve heard it before, but he pulls it off. Also like how much he switches it up and keeps it interesting The third verse is excellent, as is the Cleaning Out my Closet callback. d---, that violin outro is great too. I don’t know who told him that the snowman intro was good enough to repeat as a bridge, but that’s the biggest detractor from this one. Overall, this song was a massive victory in my eyes. 9/10 Chloraseptic - I get that he’s trying to evolve and this is his take on modern rap, but unfortunately he’s missing the mark and this s--- is garbage. It’s just not sonically pleasing, the lyrics aren’t good, and the beat is terrible. I miss the days when Eminem existed on his own island and focused on his strengths instead of desperately trying to fit in. He is out of his element here and it’s just an overall cringefest. What a disappointing turn after such a solid track before it, and unfortunately this one is probably in the upper half of the songs on the project. 4/10 Untouchable - on paper, this one sounds like a good idea, and the first half of the song isn’t the worst. The production and hook are solid, and the concept is good. Unfortunately this song is far too long and part two is a microcosm of the problems Em has the past 4 years. Choppy flow, downright bad wordplay, and just fails to captivate. I appreciate the intention here, but the execution is really lacking as a whole. Not to mention the fact that this was released as a single is mindblowingly horrible. He probably thought this would make a big splash, but his points aren’t really original, he’s just regurgitating CNN talking points. A for effort, but ultimately a misfire. 5/10 River - the most frustrating and puzzling aspect of Em’s music nowadays is that he sometimes nails certain elements in a song but completely drops the ball in others, and it’s so rare that he is able to make a complete song, and this track is the epitome of it. This is the 2017 version of Love the Way You Lie, and that is not a compliment. Ed Sheeran shows up, but I don’t know why Eminem insists on making fake love songs about fictitious situations that never happened. The Ex-Lax line is terrible and so typical of current Em to include such a cringeworthy line in a terribly inappropriate place. He really wastes what could have been a solid first single with subpar verses and a weak concept on this one. Not as bad as some tracks on the album, but this should have been much better and is a missed opportunity for some mainstream success. 5/10 Remind Me (Intro) - thanks for your contribution Dre. We needed you here, but appreciate the 15 second beat you graciously provided. You got your Apple deal, now please for the love of God sit your other cash cow down and get his head straight. Who Cares/10 Remind Me - this album begins to officially unravel here. There is absolutely nothing good to see here. Rick Ruiner of Music is, in the words of @M Solo to sober Eminem what drugs were to normal Eminem. The usage of the sample is horrific and has no business being on a rap album, and anyone with ears who isn’t autistic knows once Em started writing to this beat it was going to be equivalent to the 9/11 of Music. The lyrics are among the worst of Eminem’s career, the duty/diarrhea line will be mocked as long as humanity exists, he is talking about absolutely nothing. Eminem needs to stay away from this rap/rock thing for the rest of his existence, he simply cannot pull it off. I don’t know who told him these songs are well-liked. I can’t stress how much I hate this song. 0/10 Revival (Interlude) - as others have said, this is nice and wish it would have been made into a song. But for someone who made legitimately the wrong decision on every other aspect of this album, should we really be surprised? Sigh/10 Like Home - I was surprised when this one turned out to be the Trump diss, and while it’s safe enough to not be horrible, it’s nothing particularly special. It just sounds so overly generic, a simple copy and paste job with a mailed in hook from Alicia Keys. There are some good lines here, but nothing that isn’t already a well known criticism of Trump; again, a regurgitation of CNN talking points. If this was one of the worst songs on the album and placed here for the message, that would be fine, but this one is among the top tracks here solely because it doesn’t derail into disaster on a musical level. 6/10 Bad Husband - I mean, it could be much worse than this. The concept is painfully predictable and I don’t see how this should be something to include on an album this long after they broke up, but I guess it’s a passable song musically and there aren’t any atrocious flaws. The X Ambassadors have a good enough hook, and the production isn’t terrible, I’m just so far removed caring about Eminem and Kim’s relationship that I don’t see myself ever finding the need to listen to this. Pass. 5/10 Tragic Endings - the fact that this is a leftover is so laughably obvious, at first it sounded like Recovery era but the more I listen it actually sounds like 2006 druggy Em voice/flow. Either way, I’d bet my life that this was not recorded in the album sessions. Surprisingly, Skylar is the best part of this song by far, the production Is solid, but Em is very unspectacular, using the same boring fake relationship lyrics he so often does. Nothing to see here. 4/10 Framed - as someone who’s guilty pleasure is Relapse, this sounds like Relapse if you keep the solid production and accent then remove any and every form of wit, creativity, and technical prowess from it. This would been a bottom 3 song on Relapse, it is simply a cluster f--- of random words delivered sloppily. It also contains the worst hook on the album. This should have never made it out of the idea phase, let alone recorded, let alone mastered, let alone released on an album he supposedly spent 4 years making. 2/10 Nowhere Fast - extremely forgettable song. Again, just a typical generic song where meaningful content is absent, a phoned in female hook. A couple positives in that his flow is not really choppy, and I didn’t notice any horribly cringeworthy lines. The bridge is also solid, I wish Em would do more singing bridges. The production isn’t anything special but it’s passable. This is just not a song I would ever have an urge to play, and just feels like pure filler. Should have been left on the cutting room floor. 4/10 Heat - another disaster at the hands of Rick Ruiner of Music. I can safely say that if his name is anywhere near Em’s next project I will just not bother. I have the exact same commentary on this one as I do for Remind Me. Awful. 1/10 Offended - yikes. This one is an unmitigated, complete and utter disaster. The production is an abortion that should start playing automatically when you google the word “cacophony,” and Em is far past the point of being able to put together a solid track on a terrible beat. Whoever produced this should have their hands cut off and their ears Van Gogh’d so they can never make “music” ever again. His lyrics have been worse, but they’re still pretty terrible. The hook is just....no. Anyone who wants to preserve an image of Eminem that isn’t completely untarnished should never listen to this song. Absolutely horrendous. 1/10 Need Me - “You know what this album needs? Another fake love song where my friend Pink, who I’ve made 3 terrible songs with already, appears more than I do over some s-----y Alex Da Kid production and an extremely forgettable verse! That’ll put this album over the top! Not filler at all! 1/10 In Your Head - this one seems to be getting a lot of hate, but it’s really one of the better efforts here in my opinion. I actually do not mind the sample, and the production overall is well done. These are some of the best verses flow-wise on the album, he actually slowed down for once, and the content is enjoyable. The second verse contains some of the most insightful lyrics on the album as well. I wish there was a third verse or a singing hook/outro here, but I’m not mad about this one. 7/10 Castle - where the f--- has this been? I wanted one masterpiece out of this album and I got it with this one. It could be considered cheating since this was, again, blatantly recorded in a different era, but that’s not going to ruin this track for me. I’m actually curious as to when this was made, it has to be pre-2010. The Eminem that I just listened to is not capable of song-making to this level of quality, but I’m glad that it eventually came to light. Everything is perfect here: that beat, hook, flow, content, voice...just exactly what I wanted from this album. I wish he would have taken the time to sit back, listen to this, then the rest of the songs on this album and see the difference. Oh well. This album was a massive disappointment, but I got what I came for. 10/10 Arose - I see this one as essentially an extension of Castle, and I almost wish he made them into one long, sprawling epic two-part song....that would have been cool. It doesn’t pack the punch on a songwriting level that Castle does, but it does its job in completing the story, and I’m a fan of the alternate ending concept he employed. Given Rick Ruiner of Music produced this, I would guess this was either written a while ago and repurposed or recorded over a different beat that was replaced, but this definitely doesn’t sound recent, more likely the Relapse sessions. The biggest shame here is that this would be a great album closer to a project that led up to its culmination here, but instead it just sticks out as a sore thumb like the track before it. Here’s to hoping the drugs flushing down the toilet also took the irredeemable punchlines, godawful outdated production, and everything else that plagued this album along with it. Whether we receive another album from Eminem or not, the only way it ends up not being an utter disaster is if he takes a hard pivot in the direction of this albums bookends, stay the f--- away from Rick Ruiner of Music, and grows the f--- up already. 8/10 Overall Rating: 4.52 Sounds about right. Some gems here for sure that I’m glad we can add to his catalogue, but unfortunately to get them we had to endure a h--- of a lot of filler, the worst produced album of Eminem’s career, and some truly, monumentally horrendous songs that question the very nature of this man’s sanity and raise a general concern for the detrimental impact those years of drug abuse had on his brain. Given the fact that most of the good songs here seem to be from another era, I have to say that as much as it pains me to say this, another Eminem album probably is not a good idea unless someone, somehow convinces him to take a hard left turn and avoid these colossal mistakes he seems to be so blissfully unaware he’s making. Appreciate the effort Em, but this step was just another misstep.
Dec 17, 2017 agree with just about everything, got a few chuckles in framed still a strong point for me tho, bit of fresh air hearing him rap smoothly over that beat after trudging through chop and dice flows the entire album
Dec 17, 2017 Nah, can't agree, I'm on the 4th day with this, this is much better to me than this review reflects. I agree that Need Me is absolutely horrible and that Em and Pink are just not meant to be. Heat is weak AF, can't disagree. Also Remind me is obligatory but ultimately a throwaway. I can listen to it though, but it's not staying in rotation. No doubt I'm at the point where I'm judging this as truly solid album. Will be in rotation a helluva lot longer than MMLP2, Relapse and Encore.
Dec 17, 2017 Good review. Likewise, I essentially treat modern day Eminem albums like I’m panning for gold: sifting through all the crap to try to find a few gems (or in this case, halfway decent songs that I can listen to more than once). I got a few out of this album (Believe, In Your Head, Castle, Arose) so it wasn’t a complete loss like MMLP2, but the bar couldn’t be any lower. As someone who didn’t really care for 4:44, Revival makes that album look like a masterpiece.
Dec 17, 2017 even tho I don't agree with a lot of things you're saying, I appreciate the effort, it's a great review! Most shocking was your Chloraseptic opinion lol How many times did you listen to the album? Did you bump it since the release or just went through 1-2 times?
Dec 17, 2017 For those asking I’ve listened to every song a minimum of 3-4 times, the goood ones probably around 7-10.
Dec 17, 2017 It’s just asking to be compared with Relapse so that’s where the bar was set for me. And that hook is just bad man.
Dec 17, 2017 Outside of the 4 or so songs on this album that are listenable, I cant imagine how anyone can pass this album off as anything decent. I know Koolo is trolling when he says its a classic obvs, but the rest of you are delusional.
Dec 17, 2017 true, but even then i’m still comparing it against the rest of the songs on revival even if it would be bottom tier another album
