Serious I could use some relationship advice. .

Started by shahidah, Oct 10, 2015, in Life Add to Reading List

  1. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015
    :what22::what22:

    So there's this guy who has liked me since the beginning of this year and when he first tried to talk to me I wasn't really into him PLUS I was still in a relationship. Flash forward about 7 months later I decided to give him a chance because we started hanging out more and he seemed cool and sincere. As we started talking more and more I expressed to him that I didn't think I was ready for a relationship just yet (because my past ones were just THAT s-----y) but I assured him that he was the only guy I was talking to and I just wanted to focus on us becoming friends first rather than jumping into a relationship.
    THEN I GOT TO KNOW HIM .....

    a little bit more and found a lot of things about him that I didn't like (which at every opportunity I told him straight up I don't like that) so I recently made the decision to stop talking to him on the level of more than friends and he was upset that day ......... acted like he was all butt hurt in his feelings (you know how that s--- go). Since then, it seems like he still thinks he and I are going to date in the future, like he calls everyday, he tells me he misses me, tries to be flirty or w.e ....but my mind is pretty made up at this point. We already had the conversation about the status of our relationship and it was made clear that I just want to be friends.

    I guess I just want to know....
    Am I f----- up for leading him on initially?

    because when we first started talking.... I was into him and then idk...I guess I got bored or he wasn't living up to the hype. Don't kno...

    I also would like advice on....
    How I should go about continuing this friendship?

    I've thought about it and I feel bad because it wasn't my intent to lead him on, I genuinely liked him at first, but part of the reason I decided to stop talking to him was because I felt like he was more focused on being @able to call me his girl rather than getting to know me and I was trying to get to know him but there was only so much he would let me know about him, which made me feel like i really didn't know him and we talked for 2 months.

    Any feedback is cool

    :what22::what22:
     
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  2. Deadpool
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    Deadpool the end

    Oct 10, 2015
    Things happen u did the right thing in your pov maybe not his but don't feel bad
     
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  3. Mano
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    Oct 10, 2015
    You did the right thing and if he can't accept being just friends then you should cut him off completely (until he comes to his senses, if ever)
     
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  4. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015
    I guess i just felt like since I said yes we could talk I owed it to him (and myself) to not let my past affect anything and also to give him m the best version of me.
     
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  5. Mano
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    Oct 10, 2015
    You gave him a chance and you didn't like where it was headed. You're right to stop it before it goes anywhere
     
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  6. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015
    That's basically the mindset I had when I made the decision to stop talking on that level I knew my heart wasn't really in it
     
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  7. Immy
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    Immy yikes

    Oct 10, 2015
    He's a b---- boy if he cant accept that you decided that you should be just friends. You're justified just slowly cut him out you shouldn't feel bad or anything trust
     
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  8. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015
    I guess I'm being too hard on myself huh? :emoji_smirk:
     
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  9. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015

    Lmfaoooo never heard that one :drakelaugh2:
     
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  10. Jehovah
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    Jehovah SB3

    Oct 10, 2015
    Seems like he may be a bit obsessed with you to be honest. He was pretty much hoping on the fact that you leave your previous boyfriend. When you left him and started talking to him, he probably thought that his fantasy was going to come through or some s---. I mean the n----- been waitin 7 months.

    I mean its not your faulty and you shouldn't feel bad. I dont know what it is exaclty that you found out about him but it must be pretty bad if you discontinued your friendship and you are stopping him from reviving it. I think you should just ask yourself if you actually like him as a person and if this thing you found out about him is really worth risking your friendship. But to be completely honest with you I think that he wants to be more then friends and that is his only goal
     
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  11. Immy
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    Immy yikes

    Oct 10, 2015
    yeah u are fo sho. Dont let this affect you
     
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  12. Bman
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    Oct 10, 2015
    He sounds desperate honestly. And I don't think you need to feel bad for seeing where things would go. If you ended up not liking how he/things turned out, it's not really anyone's fault (and certainly not yours), it just is what it is. And it seems like you made it perfectly clear there were things he was doing you did not like, and if he can't work on those things or come to a compromise with you, and he just wants to remain the same, that's fine, But you don't like him, so he needs to back off. I would think about it before tossing a friendship, but listen to yourself. If your not into it, you've said so and explained why, and he's still persistent, then it's probably time to cut him out. If you'd like to stay friends, that's cool, he just needs to understand boundaries. Just because you "talked" or "dated" for a bit, doesn't mean he has a right to you, to be your boyfriend, or hook up with you (which seems to be his only goal). That's not how relationships work. You decide all of that.
     
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  13. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015

    One of the biggest things was that I felt like even though he claimed he liked me so much....a lot of it was disingenuous for example

    He would start out saying that he was thinking about me and that he liked me alot... and then say you have a nice smile, youre smart, etc. And when I would ask him to go deeper he acted as if I asked him about quantum physics or something.

    Also I didn't like tha fact that if I disagreed with something he would get upset and not want to talk about it anymore, basically cutting me off

    The more smaller issues were that he was living with a friend and didn't have a place of his own, had no job, and no car... and wasn't really making much moves to improve his situation ....despite any advice I tried to give him
     
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  14. shahidah
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    shahidah watch me work it JT

    Oct 10, 2015
    Thank you I feel a lot better :emoji_heart:
     
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  15. Bman
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    Oct 10, 2015
    That's a red flag. Cutting you off like that is really immature. It's one thing to have fallen on hard times and not have a car or your own place. But to not be actively working to improve your situation can be a sign of a lot of things, laziness being on of them. On him not going deeper, he may just be a very guarded person. I can be like that myself some times. Maybe he didn't want to open up to you until he was sure you were someone he could trust. And maybe after 2 months he still didn't want to move forward with that quite yet (possibly waiting until you were officially going steady). But the bottom line is that you wanted a deeper connection earlier than that. And either he wasn't willing to give it or perhaps, there wasn't one. And maybe he's just not the deepest thinker or all that bright.
    Edit: Also, trust yourself if you felt he was disingenuous (And maybe ask him about it and see what he says). That's another sign he may just be looking for a hook up. And there's nothing wrong with that, but if your not into it, you not into it.
     
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  16. Jehovah
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    Jehovah SB3

    Oct 10, 2015
    With everything you said, It pretty much sounds like he does not like your advice/listening to you. I don't think its love that he wants, more like lust.
    I mean you try to find out what it is that he really likes you and he avoids the question, you have a differing opinion and he gets upset and you give him advice on life and he does not want it. Seems like he does not like receiving peoples help and that he may also a be bit really sensitive. Which is probably why he is trying so hard to get your friendship back, he is probably hurt; I mean he had eyes on you for months, and he thinks that by getting you back it will take the pain away.
     
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  17. Ordinary Joel
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    Ordinary Joel Found a new way to flow

    Oct 11, 2015
    So is it safe to assume you're on the market now? :khaled:

    In all seriousness listen to the majority of the advice in here.
     
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  18. Alchemist34
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    Alchemist34 DO MY HEAD

    Oct 12, 2015
    f---s wrong with you of course he's not gonna wanna just be friends. no one does. just tell him to f--- off will do him a favour
     
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  19. Koolo
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    Koolo SAS IS THE NEW KANYE

    Oct 12, 2015
    :iului:
     
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